IN HONOR OF DR. COX
LEAVING PEOPLE BEHIND - Part lV
Here are a few final thoughts, for now.
Be good to those who have been good to you, be merciful to most others, but say a quick goodbye to the cruel and those who do not want you. Life is a gift. We need to be its fierce protector and, at times, we need a fierce anger, a firm resolve (when it is in our power) not to let serious harm go on.
I carry the psychotherapist’s “curse” of seeing brokenness so clearly that one gets used to bad behavior and crazy ways, so sometimes I’m too kind, too forgiving, and too patient. Don’t let what I write prevent you from leaving people behind when that really needs to be done.
But I will hold forever to this thought: as much as we can, we need to give people a chance.
In 1954 twin babies were born two months prematurely. They weighed under five pounds total, about two and a half pounds each. It was the days before sonograms, and only one of the babies was expected, the other was a surprise noticed only at the moment of delivery. Their mother could put her wedding ring over their little hands and scoot it all the way up to their shoulders. It was obvious they only had a fighting chance to live. Two months premature. 1954. You get the picture.
Thank God there is often an unexpected factor in the battle of life. In this case a certain stubborn Dr. Cox refused to give up on “the twins” and he stayed in the hospital for 48 hours straight.
In 1960, six years later, Dr. Cox had retired to Cape Breton, Nova Scotia because he had a bad heart. Word came to the twins’ father that Dr. Cox was not going to be long for this earth and so the father took his sons to visit the doctor. It was a six hour trip from their home.
When he took the boys inside, I think the father had a lump in his throat because he told the boys, “Sons, I would like you to meet the man who saved your lives.”
I can’t remember much else about the conversation. I am the unexpected twin who may have felt a bit left behind at the start of things. When all is said and done, I think we should err on the side of really working hard for people, of not leaving them behind, of going out of our way for their precious little existence. And I suppose if you want to blame me for my thinking, you should blame Dr. Cox who went out of his way for me and my brother, who erred on the side of working really hard for me, and who did not leave me behind.
For more on the above theme, we enter the form of Peter Cottontail.
A form is the name of a rabbit’s personal home. A warren is the name of the suburb where a group of rabbits live. Read INTO THE FORM to enter the home of Peter Cottontail, Dig Consultant. Peter will field your questions, take us deeper into issues, challenge me at times, and be the resident reminder of the unexpected and the adventurous. Rabbits are into “action” (sex) even more than human beings, so Peter Cottontail will also be The Dig’s official sex therapist. He can handle your sexy kind of questions with utter confidentiality, sensitivity, and aplomb.
In this visit to “The Form” you will get to hear more from Peter’s library.
INTO THE FORM OF PETER COTTONTAIL
Peter: The story of your birth brought a tear to my eye. We all owe a lot to many people and it’s easy to forget the vast and varied kindnesses that have come our way.
Bob: And that everyone is somebody’s baby.
Peter: Yet we both know there are limits to our time and energy and some people need to be locked up so that rabbits and people can be safe. We have to leave some people behind. People are often glued together as much by hatred as by love, by fear as much as freedom, and by habit as much as choice. It is not easy to be a person of choice, of self-definition—to have the freedom and the self-love to say “Enough is enough.” We need at times to give ourselves the vote, find another crowd, and move on.
Bob: And we may as well do it consciously and deliberately because it will only happen anyway.
Peter: Yes, we’ve all found ourselves having given up on people long before we noticed the transition had occurred. We sort of slip away from people or they slip away from us. In a way, it’s sort of a blessing that it can happen this way. Maybe there are fewer hurt feelings.
Bob: We don’t have to announce our every move, though in general I think we should be more conscious of our choices, our options, and that there are more possibilities than we usually see.
Peter: Possibilities?
Bob: There is the possibility that we will love and respect ourselves more and operate from that basis. And there is the possibility that our vision will expand and we will see the “realness” of more people. And when people do us ill, there is the sad but cheerful possibility that we will move on more quickly to better pastures.
Peter: You spoke of a psychotherapist’s perspective. I agree that to understand is almost always to forgive. But there has to be a very firm “almost” in our lives because understanding and forgiveness are not excuses for ongoing obnoxiousness and atrocity. The onus of guilt should be placed squarely on the shoulders of people who refuse to grow, who refuse to look in the mirror, and who continue their blind and harmful ways. And good and growing people should live in more peace and not always think it is their fault that uncorrecting people don’t want to use an eraser.
Bob: Jesus said, “Go into a house and offer it your peace, and if they don’t want it let your peace return to you.” He did not ask people to be nobodies who put up with everything. Even Jesus left a lot of people behind because they did not want him, would not give him the time of day or were violent to his peaceful ways. It was their choice that led to his choice. He did not bang his head against many walls.
FROM THE LIBRARY OF PETER COTTONTAIL
"Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave. 12As you enter the home, give it your greeting. 13If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. 14If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. 15I tell you the truth, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town. 16I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
Jesus (Matthew 10:11-16)
Part l Part ll Part lll Part lV